It's a FACT! Part 1

The next time someone hands you a silver dollar, examine the year on the coin; this is the year of your death, as predicted by your 7th-grade algebra teacher and Nostradamus.

If you are ever stranded in the desert, you can find water by sending $3.50 and a self addressed, stamped envelope to the US Department of Water.

Count the number of times that a cricket chirps in 30 seconds and divide that number by 6; the answer may surprise you.

Here's a trick: when tying your shoes, tie the left one first; this will prevent werewolves from attacking you.

When cutting a pizza, pie, or round cake, divide the number of desired servings by the circumfrence of the dish, then multiply by the height of each slice divided by pi. Calculate to the nearest 100th decimal place. Show your work.

In 1943, a chef from Hamburg, Germany mixed ground beef with spices, then was killed by werewolves. The hamburger was already in existence.

In the southern hemisphere, birds fly east for the winter instead of south, because vast air currents from secret volcanoes blow them that way.

You can determine the current windspeed by looking into a mirror and repeating 'windspeed wonder weather' 100 times, then calling your weather advisory bureau.

The burrito was invented in 1912 by Mexican immigrants seeking a passage to the Suez Canal.

According to Scandanavian folklore, you and your whole goddamned family are a bunch of peckerheads, jack.

The Des Moines Abbatoir was founded in 1942 as a means of hastening the Dark One's return to Earth.

According to the International Centre of Lloyd, most American households are dangerously underlloyded.

Count the number of cicada 'swells' in a 1 minute period and multiply the answer by your age; that is the distance, in meters, to the center of the earth from where you are now standing.

Placing a rubber band around your scrotum will help reduce your gas mileage.

The capybara is the only mammal that openly disdains you, even after you spent all that money on capybara-related merchandise at the gift shoppe.

You can always figure out the time of day by examining the shadow of a Box Elder. No-one knows why this is true.

According to the International Red Cross, your interest in a career with them is appreciated, but they are not currently looking for a warlord with ties to the Welsh Mafia, as the position has been filled.

If you are ever caught shoplifting, do not call me, as I do not know you and am unqualified to offer legal advice.

TO BE CONTINUED! LATER!