PEOPLE OF THE PAST. Down with your hu-la whoops and malt shops! I come from the year 2009 and I bear grim tidings! Behold and fear:
- On your television show, LOST, the island is revealed to be the Cloverfield monster! Tremble!
- Your Academy Award shall by won by Kevin Spacey MARK 6! His speech shall be unbearable and lengthy, and punctuated with Zenon-Ray bursts from his horrible, horrible ocular cannons.
Your switch-over to high-definition television tubes will fraught with peril and flickering images of Ryan Seacrest, or possibly Mike Rowe! Beware!
Your economy is doomed! Raid your cabinetry and places-of-storage for zinc, as it will spell your salvation. Avast!
Global warming has made ice-production futile! Foster now your tolerance for room-temperature Doctored Pepper and Iced Tea Leaves!
Oh, and also, a black man is totally president.
END TRANSMISSION.
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