Pledged allegiance for self, then withdrew support at crucial juncture, resulting in prison gangland-retribution scenario.
Strapped self to weather machine, made it rain angry fire ants and acid knives
Promised I would not eat last deviled egg; ate last deviled egg
When filling out self-evaluation, used the phrase 'incompetent, malodorous, snorkleheaded asshat' 15 times
Promised to pick self up at airport; ran over childhood pet instead
Taped over that one 'Wings' episode
When directions called for stirring hot cocoa mix into boiling water, instead poured mug contents directly into face
Constantly kicking self in gonads
Enacted sweeping, diabolical plans spanning three time zones and two decades, resulting in being a quarter short of the full dry cycle
Made self some fudge; it was that weird tan fudge
Ate that questionable luncheon meat
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5 comments:
i love wings.
You lie. Nobody loves Wings, it's a scientifically proven fact.
well it did me think about how nice it would be to get into aircraft maitenance.
You must be a talented yogi to be able to kick own self in gonads. I can see reaching there, but building up the momentum would be challenging. Did you train one on one with a Master self flagellating Yogi?
The ability to kick one's self in the gonads involves dedication, discipline, and a special machine I had to have overnighted from Denmark; the less said about this the better.
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