Sure, I love the booze. It provides me with ideas, self-confidence, and gas. Here are a few involved concepts I've developed while at the bar or at home, alone, watching 'Mayberry RFD' and weeping into my chest.
Animal Crematorium/Park Service Barbecue Pit Cleaner
The idea is: you open a pet crematorium, preferably in a strip mall in a neighborhood with plenty of enfeebled old people with small, yippy, smelly dogs with skin conditions. Yes, those ones that bit you as a child. Marketing and branding should be very sentimental, lots of soft-focus images and script fonts and cloud backgrounds. On the side, you get a contract emptying and cleaning barbecue grills in your local town or prefecture. Instead of cremating pets, you just place barbeque remnants in Target urns and charge $1500 each. The actual dead pets just get thrown in the dumpster behind K-Mart or something. You figure it out. Win-win.
Hole-themed Restaurant
I've never been able to come up with a satisfying name for this restaurant concept, so feel free to suggest one. It's a fast food restaurant that serves hamburgers with holes in them. Not bagelburgers, mind you, just regular hamburgers with a big, inexplicable hole in the middle. The employees wear hats with holes in them, like a big 'O' upended vertically on the cranium. The restaurant's sign is in a similar shape, as are the dining tables. Seats: holes. Like toilet seats, sort of. No fries, only onion rings. The drink cups would likewise be extended toruses (tori?) with matching lids. Following the logic thus far, the straws would need to be solid cylinders of plastic.
Spherical Fast Food Meal
Following in the fast-food concept as above: I envision a giant sphere, deep-fried, perhaps the size of a bowling ball. The outermost, fried layer is the 'bun' layer. Biting into that, the intrepid diner then discovers, lurking beneath like some forbidden flower awaiting release of its intoxicating perfume, the ground beef layer. Sojourning onward we encounter the cheese layer, the sauce layer, the lettuce layer, etc, each progressively smaller and colder. At the center, your choice of Diet Mr. Pibb or a frosty delicious shake. The core of this should remain quite cold even after deep fat frying. The base price is $27.33 each.
I'll keep you posted when more ideas come to me.
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4 comments:
ROFL. For real. I'm down here on the carpet with my keyboard. Rolling. Have you ever typed while rolling? It should probably be an Olympic sport or something.
Brilliant blog x] I'm so down for the Holey Burger restaurant.
can i please be alerted by text when one of these restaurants opens?
@d.f.: Thanks! Just be careful down there on the floor, I dropped a glass there the otherday. I found most of the pieces, but still...
@wm: When one of these restaurants is opened, it will be written across the northern sky in the blood of Odin, and Freyr, and Heimdall, and...oh shit, no wait, that's Ragnarok. Tell you what, I'll stick a flyer under your winshield wipers.
i've said it before, but i think the food sphere is one of the most brilliant things i've ever heard of. how do you package it though?
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